What It Was Like Transitioning From One Child to Two

It's scary. It's different. It's new. It's overwhelming, but it's also going to be okay, beautiful, exciting and fun, I promise.

My boyfriend (now husband) and I had no clue on what we were doing when we had our son almost ten years ago. It took us years to get used to being parents, and till today, it's such a crazy concept to us-- that we're parents to two wonderful kids. It's all still a learning curve and we take it day by day, but so far, we think we're doing pretty well for a couple of mid-twenty year olds who started out basically brain-empty when it came to knowing how to parent.

It took us seven years to feel like we were ready to conceive again, and the idea was terrifying. Granted we got pregnant purely by accident the first time, we knew the second time was going to be a lot harder because nobody gets pregnant on their first try, but we wanted this more than anything.

Trying to conceive was challenging, but admittedly fun, of course. We had to make it fun because the disappointment that followed the "not pregnant" pregnancy tests became soul-crushing. A lot of people don't know this but it took us a whole year to conceive our daughter. We first agreed to start trying for baby number two in November 2015, and we didn't get pregnant with our baby Blair until December 2016. I think the stresses I had at work, and in life in general, had a lot to do with why it took so long. It was as if my body was focused on other things before it could focus on being a home for a new bub.


Going from one child to two was the scariest thing I could possibly think of.

For seven whole years, it had just been us three. We evolved and thrived as a family of three. Three was all we'd had ever known, so why in the world were we going to jeopardise that by adding another human being? It was like reverting back to the starting line and doing everything all over again, only this time, there was gonna be a screeching newborn that depended on you for every little thing.

At first, it was a wild image, but it became this terrifying thing once I went through an entire first trimester of horrible morning sickness and was fired from my job at the time. I'd only been working there for three months, but it still felt really shitty to be going through a hard pregnancy that I couldn't tell my workmates about and then ultimately being fired for not coming in enough, even though I was on a casual contract and wasn't required to work every single day + had medical certificates for each time I was absent, but whatever.
It added stress onto my pregnancy because we'd officially be solely dependable on my husband's teacher salary, rather than two consistent incomes. Ask anyone and they'd tell you that taking care of a baby is expensive. Now times that by two. Albeit my son is not a baby, he still needs for us to care for him. Granted we do still live at home with my parents so having a roof over our heads wasn't so much as a worry, but it was still worrying to think that we'd be adding a brand new life into this craziness while only on one salary.

My son is the greatest.

Ever since his baby sister entered his life almost two years ago, he has grown up so much; we've basically got ourselves a tween. Early on in my pregnancy, I really worried for how my relationship with him would change. He'd had our undivided attention for eight whole years before his sister came bulldozing through, and I didn't want him to feel like he'd been pushed to the side. I find that that is a common concern with most parents who are soon to welcome a second baby into their families. And I'm here to tell you that the feeling you're currently going through is totally normal, and if anything, makes you the best parent for your kids. It's been challenging trying to balance my time with both kids, but I try to make sure I prioritise some time with my son to remind him that he matters too.

Our son is pretty independent, but he's still a kid and needs to be reminded to do his homework, his chores, brush his teeth, eat lunch, take a shower and clean up after himself. Normal kid stuff that parents tend to help them with, but I also see it as staying connected with him. Checking up on his day-to-day life; asking him how school was; what his friends are like, these little things can mean so much to him and I hope he appreciates it rather than finds it annoying.

When you have two kids, your love doesn't divide, it doubles.

Sure there are struggles to dividing your attention to both children considering a newborn needs constant care and your eldest child is probably a little more independent depending on their age but there are certain aspects where they still need you. Eventually you learn ways in giving them both the love and attention that they need. With that said though, never deny anyone's help. You can't do it all, so when family or friends offer their help, take it and never look back. They wouldn't offer if they didn't mean it, and you wouldn't take it if you really didn't need it. Push your pride and ego aside, and do what's best for you and your kids.

It doesn't make you less of a mother.

Transitioning from one to two kids is an emotional rollercoaster that you aren't nearly prepared for. But it is so so soooo beautiful. I never thought I could ever feel like this. To love two little human beings who are half me and half the love of my life so damn much that it basically consumes me.
Don't get me wrong, parenting is twice the challenge, twice the hard work, but it's also twice the hugs, twice the kisses, and twice the love, and honestly that's one of the most wonderful things about it.

Right now, my husband and I aren't outnumbered and thank goodness for that. Not that single parents can't handle more than one kid on their own, but for us, embarrassingly and admittedly enough, it would be a struggle, so the divide and conquer technique works wonders for us because being able to focus all of our attention on the one child becomes a cake walk. Granted, our almost-two-year-old toddler is a little bit more of a handful than our ten-year-old tween, but god, can they both talk till our ears fall off.

There's safety in numbers.

We divide and conquer each child on our own, (swapping out shifts if need be) but it's still incredibly exhausting and leaves us with no time to spend time as a couple. This is where date nights a month become a vital necessity, in keeping you and your partner sane, intimate and remembering why you started a family in the first place. It's a lot harder to leave your newborn/young infant, but it can be done, even if it's just for a few hours. Just remember that you and your partner need to take care of each other too. Keeping that love and spark alive to become the best parents you can be will also help you thrive at being the best couple you can be.

Make date nights a priority.




One question I was often asked after having my second baby was, "how does it feel to be a mum of two now?" and with fatigue and pain-medication kicking in, all I could reply with was "it really doesn't feel that different!" but oh god, after the first few days, my answer did a complete 180.
I can't imagine what it's like for women who had babies close in age, and with my kids 8 years apart, I still find it incredibly difficult. I don't think it matters how close or far apart in age your kids are, parenting is tough and hard work all in all. But I honestly wouldn't change it for the world. Motherhood has taught me so much about patience, unconditional love and myself, in ways I don't think experiencing the world would have been able to show me.

In retrospect, I truly believe that two is so much better than one. I worry twice as much, but I also feel twice the love. Sometimes, I just can't believe how lucky I am to be the mum of two amazing, wonderful and incredibly fascinating kids. They're my whole world and I just hope to be there for them and to make them proud.




Motherhood is one of the most difficult experiences of my life, but it's also the one that's shown me what I truly want out of it.

It's beautiful and sometimes migraine-inducing, and most days, I want to cry into my pillow or scream, but my husband and I have created a wonderful world for ourselves and I wouldn't have it any other way.

I always used to say that this life we have is exactly what I wanted for the 30-year-old version of myself, so I got everything I wanted, just sooner. It was in God's plan for me to be a mother at 16, but I'm also not naive in thinking that I didn't get myself into that kind of mess just because "God had it planned for me" because contraception is a real thing, and if you're not ready to have someone dependent on you for years to come, and if you don't want to add to your family just yet, because it is incredibly difficult, then please take care of yourself and look at your options!

I struggle daily with being a mother to two kids, and I know for a fact you need a certain type of strength to be able to do this mum life thing, but trust me when I say you can do it and you will be amazing at it.

Nobody's perfect, but luckily your kids don't need you to be perfect; they just want you to be there for them.

Anytime you're adding more children into your family, it's emotionally and physically difficult, of course, but watching the bond your kids make with each other, and with you and your partner is truly magical. Family... it's one of the most important things in life. And I believe that unconditional love truly does conquer all.

Love,
Danica Janine
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